Why People Divorce and How to Prevent It
Let me start by defining marriage, my definition, which works in life:
Marriage is a created union between two people for the
creation of children, the rearing of them-the future for our
It is a created relationship that enhances the survival of
both parties and helps guarantee the survival of the
Marriage serves to complete your life.
You might disagree with parts or all of that but I can tell you that the
application of that definition to my life has been extremely successful!
So Why Did You Get Married?
I wrote an article "How To Successfully Find a Spouse." You might find it
interesting. Click here.
Most commonly, people are "in love". I recall being single and being "in love"
but not interested in or willing to commit to a future. As I recall, logic and
reasoning had very little to do with my early relationships though hormones
Deciding to get married should contain a commitment to being together for the
purpose of a future.
Marriage does include sex. If it doesn't then the relationship does not fit the
definition of marriage as I gave above and your relationship is not a marriage.
Normally at some point, sex brings about children. The proof of that is our
parents all gave birth to us.
Pleasure is almost interchangeable with survival. Sex normally fits in with
pleasure. Pain is almost interchangeable with death. Sort of humorously, I can
state no sex is death.
But moving on, regardless of why you got married, you did. At the risk of being
wrong, I'm going to assume you liked your partner! Right?
Let's eliminate insanity as the reason for selection of your If you try the same methods of getting help, cooperation, support, attention
Is it that on a reactive level, you married your spouse
because they reminded you of someone else, father,
mother, somebody you liked?
But now you're married.
from your spouse that you used on your mom or dad, you're very likely to find
it doesn't work at all.
Problems will develop as you try harder and harder to force your spouse to be
like someone they are not.
Also, now that you're "married" you may illogically start to feel owned or
controlled, etc. Or your spouse may feel that way.
Both of the above possible situations are because you and/or your spouse
were not analytical in choosing who to marry but were operating on a reactive
basis. That is a bit of insanity. That is not necessarily fatal but is beyond the
scope of this article.
Therefore, I will not be addressing those situations here...
You Are Married and Everything is Great!
I wrote another article you might find of interest at this point: "Husband and
Wife"...click to view.
Again, I'll assume you were logical and in love with each other at the time of
your marriage and you had a commitment to creating a future.
Let's say everything is going great then it seemed one day, things cooled off
just a little.
This is a major indicator of a problem and if not handled will lead to potential
divorce and certainly to a period of unhappiness.
You and your spouse should have established a high degree of
communication and affinity for each other.
A lessening of affinity, less communication, and disagreements lead to
misunderstanding and upset!
Do You Take Responsibility or Complain?
If things have cooled off there is a specific reason or several of them.
Marriage is a created relationship. It must be created EVERY DAY! Do you call
or text several times a day? Or is there no communication? No communication
results in less affinity.
Complaining or blaming your spouse is sure to worsen things! Blame assigns
power to the other person. So where does that leave you? Effect!
Marriages fail due to the harmful actions or harmful
omissions (what you didn't do, like not creating the
marriage) and lack of communication.
Following that, you and/or your spouse will commit more harmful actions or
If you are willing to take responsibility, first take a look at what you have failed
to do that you should have done. Then look at what you've done that you
should not have done!
Sit down with your spouse. I would suggest you trade stories. You tell one
thing you did/didn't do that hurt your relationship. Then your spouse tells you
something he/she did/didn't do. Keep doing this until you are both back in
Do not stop with someone saying "this is a waste of time" or acting angry. That
means there is more to be told.
Keep going until you both realize you're married because you love each other
and are committed to creating a future together.
Will you succeed in rekindling your marriage?
I can not answer that in this simple article. All I can tell you is that it is possible.
I recommend lots of communication!
If you're the guy buy her flowers, they don't have to be expensive!
If you're the awesome wife, cook for him. Give him something he likes or do
something he likes.
My wife came home with a stand to elevate my computer monitor.
I got her flowers earlier. No reason, just doing something I know she likes.
Create your relationship. Use sex, it's part of marriage, guys like it and I
understand the ladies do too!
Persist. If it was worth getting married, it's worth working for to create it and
have it continue to live!
If you give up and don't handle this marriage, you will carry this failure to the
start of the next relationship. It will make the next one more difficult. I'm not
saying you can not succeed with the next spouse. Anything is possible.
Repairing this marriage is possible. But YOU must do it. YOU must be the
force creating it. Your spouse should contribute and things will probably come
Let me know if you need help or have questions.
©2011 by Carl Watts/CarlWattsArtist.com edited 090514
Listen and Guide, Someone to.
Considering Divorce? (Steps to help you resolve the situation)
The Key to a Successful Marriage
The Root of a Successful Marriage
Hope for a Spouse
Men and Women
Husband and Wife
How to Successfully Find a Spouse
Success Story on finding a Spouse