How to Get Cooperation
A question and a story. Why would a child not cooperate?
My story is about my 13 yr old daughter (now grown) and the third time I
caught her stealing cigarettes from her mom.
I sat her down and explained that there was no legal way for her to obtain
cigarettes (a true statement for California).
I pointed out that I was an executive in the school she attended and that I was
responsible for enforcing the schools rules. Clearly illegal acts were against
I pointed out to her that it would potentially get me fired (it wouldn't have but
remotely might have).
I pointed out that here mom also worked there as an executive. Smoking
would reflect bad on her too.
She told me she disagreed with the rule about smoking and didn't feel it
I didn't argue this point. She lacked data.
What I did do was request that she honor me and that as long as she was a
minor in my house, I didn't want her to smoke.
That is the short version.
A year later, she told me "dad I don't smoke. Do you want to know why?"
I told her yes and simply she replied "because you don't want me too."
My point here is I gave her enough data to help her think and requested her
There are times you have to bar the way in an
emergency but raising a child's understanding is the
This is correct because parents will not always be there able to step between
their children and danger.
Getting them to think is much better than getting them to obey. Obedience is
done from fear and is robotic!
There you go. I have a lot of data based on raising five children and being in
charge of discipline in a private school for eleven years very successfully!
The Question: "Why would a child not cooperate?"
Lack of data, false data or a failure to properly understand the data they have!
So on the parents part, they must use love and patients and give the child
enough data to arrive at the correct decision. Sometimes, if the parent is
honest, it maybe discovered the child is right and the parent needs to change
But using force on a child never brings understanding or an ability to think
and make correct decisions.
The use of pain and force actually lowers a child's ability
to think analytically. And they will get back at you. Most
likely they will act very covertly since they can't openly
get even with you.
Punishment DOES NOT and NEVER WILL resolve a
child's lack of cooperation.
Feel free to substitute, any person's name, where I've said "child!"
Look at the "modern" prison system. If punishment worked the criminal
population would not be sky rocketing!
Punishment produces robotic slaves who rapidly go criminal.
Use loving communication with lots of patience!
The child wants to please but not at the cost of his determination being ran
over as that leads towards death.
If you liked this, you might like "How to Correct" and "Who Has the Right to
©2012 by Carl Watts/CarlWattsArtist.com 092012Edited 11/4/11, 11/10/11, 3/18/12 110812