I bet as a child, what a "good boy" was, was never adequately explained to
you. Now, if you're a girl, I'm sure you suffered the same fate.
Let us start with a couple definitions.
“Good” should be defined as doing things that increase survival for self,
family and beyond.
In a moment of upset, mom says “why don't you be a good little boy.” What
mom did not look at was you were being a good little boy as best as you knew
how. That is true regardless of how “bad” you were being from the viewpoint
“Bad” should be defined as doing things which damage survival more than it
As I observe my grandchildren and my children, I am proud at how well they
Perhaps, they learned how to be good and not to be too bad.
What Is a Good Child?
Is a good child one that never runs in the house?
Is a good child someone who is quiet?
Is a good child one that never gets dirty?
What does a young child think? You might ask him or her!
Let us Turn it Around!
Is a child that runs in the house bad?
Is a child that tries to communicate bad?
Have you every seen a child that didn't get dirty? So are all children bad
because they get dirty?
YOUR Horrible Situation as A Child.
There you were doing the best you could. You were given the task of learning
how to live amongst other children. You were told to go outside and play and
expected to come back in “CLEAN”!
Was it forbidden for you make noises, move fast or disagree because YOU
Or you were just so hungry and tired, you were terrorized?
Why Children Do Not Cooperate
The baby in your arms smiles, coos, and will do anything to entertain you!
They adore you!
What happened? Now they don't seem to listen to you at all!
I have found that children don't cooperate for only two reasons.
Very often, the child is tired, hungry, ill or otherwise upset. In those
conditions, they can not cooperate. They need food and or sleep. Feed them
and put them to bed. This is especially true of very young children.
The next big reason is the child DOES NOT UNDERSTAND!
A child is trying to survive. They must be allowed to make decisions and even
Ordering a child about, intimidating them into slavish obedience will
guarantee a revolting child!
Of course if the child is about to run into the street, stop them. That's not the
time to allow them to make a mistake.
If the child doesn't understand why they can't watch TV all night long with you,
a bit of gentle explanation is required. Perhaps it's a good time to set a good
example, turning off the TV and get the child asleep.
You can go back after the child is sleeping and turn it on if you must, you are
Related article How to Get Cooperation.
Your Children or Grandchildren
Are you making your child or grandchild wrong for being a child?
How quiet, how still do you want the child, dead? Last I observed that's about
as quiet and still as a body can get!
Do You Feel Your Parents were Perfect?
Who taught you to be a parent? Where did you gain your parenting skills?
I learned much from my parents. I can guarantee you mine were not perfect.
Mom was and is sweet. She had a huge difficulty controlling four children. I'm
afraid we ran over her routinely.
My Dad was sometimes harsh. He favored physical discipline. I'm sure that is
what his dad did. By the way, I never learned anything from being punished.
I did learn by observation made when I was not starving, terrorized and upset!
Punishment produces “bad” children.
Look at our “successful prison system”! It is a complete failure and operates
simply because there is huge profits to be made jailing slave labor.
Related article How to Correct.
Bad or good?
Your communication with your child or grandchild will be the key to them
being good or bad!
If you leave it up to the child to figure out, that may backfire.
At the same time, do you want to make the same mistakes made on your child
that your parents made on you?
Take a look. Perhaps you don't need to change anything.
I have found that more communication is always better. Always better!
I have found that using the force my dad did is counter productive. It doesn't
get a good boy merely a revolting boy!
I changed things and have an excellent communication level with my children
Help or Assistance
I am a trained Youth Specialist. I spent eleven years handling troubled
parents and the resulting troubled children.
I spoke to a young man recently that I expelled from school. He told me I was
the best at handling him. He said he considered that I was a friend. And
indeed, I am.
Let me know if you, you poor beat up parent/grandparent need a bit of
Image, What is It?
Listen and Guide, Someone To.
©2006-2014 Carl Watts www.carlwattsartist.com 013114 edited 110614