It almost sound like a religious title eh? It's not.
In religion, a lot is said about forgiving others.
It is fine to practice forgiving. Unfortunately, many people just can't get past
the forgive in order to forget. They get hung up on the wrong that was done or
It never gets forgotten no matter how sweetly the forgiver says it's forgiven. It's
Why is It Often Ineffective to Forgive?
To forgive states someone else was wrong. That creates problems beyond
the original imagined wrong doing.
Unless you are dealing with a very responsible person, telling them they are
wrong will only bring up their defense and they will make excuses.
If the person is very responsible, they will be telling you about their error and
taking steps to remedy any damage or harm done.
You do not need to forgive someone who makes right any errors they commit
Low Toned Irresponsible People
They will not accept forgiveness because from their viewpoint they didn't do
anything wrong for you to forgive them.
There is a correctness to that. But it is only correct from their viewpoint.
From their viewpoint, whatever they did, you probably deserved it!
I wrote an article on that You Are Right.
Understanding Rather Than Forgiving
Let us look just for a second at the religious concept of forgiveness.
God would understand people's error as he knows all. God would not hold a
grudge or retain upset, after all if he's forgiving why would he.
Back to humans that are aspiring to higher states...
To understand this section, I need you to jump over and read the article You
I see people make mistakes. Did they mean to do that? Usually no. Their
errors are often from a failure to understand what is needed and wanted or
inadequate training on how to do something.
Husbands and wives go through this all the time. My wife doesn't want me
washing her shirts (makes me happy) because I'm not trained.
How important is it for the spouse to be home after work on time? A failure to
communicate sets people up to not do what is expected.
Relationships require a lot of communication. This applies to men and women
as well as group relationships such as a work environment.
What to Do When Mistakes Are Made
The first thing you need to do is take a look. Was the mistake intentional? If
not intention, there is no need for upset.
If it was accidental, see how that can be prevented from happening again.
Help the person understand.
There is no need to tell them they were wrong or bad. They already feel bad
having made a mistake.
If it was intentional, you have an enemy and need to remove them from your
environment. Do not hesitate to act. Intentional damage is the action of a
traitor or enemy and they will continue to harm.
Even if intentional, there's still no reason for upset. How did he get in the
position to do you harm?
Good, willing, people will learn and improve. If they don't do so rapidly, they
are unwilling for some reason. Get rid of them fast.
How to Correct
How to Get Cooperation.
Who Should You Forgive?
Personally I don't forgive anyone.
If it was an accidental situation or some unthinking action, you just handle it
and help them.
If it was intentional, there is no forgiving but a getting rid of. That is not to say
you can't forgive them, just don't turn your back on them again.
I find understanding, assistance or correction handles 80-95% or more of all
the people I have anything to do anything with. The other 5-20% I simply keep
out of my personal environment. I don't have to have them around.
I am picky about who my friends and associates are. I like you and wish to
help you. You are part of my life.
Do you have suggestions for a “How To” article? Let me know :-)
Listen and Guide, Someone to.
©2006-2014 Carl Watts www.carlwattsartist.com 020814 edited 020914