Children and Time Outs 05/04/2014
I have five wonderful powerful grown children that are in good communication
with me and each other. No one is in jail. No one is on drugs. I think that's a
pretty impressive record.
I also worked for eleven years handling difficul children and parents for a
private school and did an awesome job of it! Based on my observation, adults
are the problem in the raising of their children.
Related article: How to Eliminate Future Worries, Your Children.
What is a “Time Out”?
I'll answer that in just a couple paragraphs below.
This is where many people may disagree with me. Let me explain with a little
more background information.
Children do not respond well to punishment. In fact, they will get worse.
Children may not let you know as they are afraid of you so they revolt. The
child's revolt maybe very covert, very hidden, until he is a teenagers or a bit
younger. The child's revolt maybe openly destructive or insanely out of
Children do respond well to good control.
Drugging a child is criminal and NEVER improves the child. Drugs can only
damage, never heal or cure.
Relate article Control.
A “time out” is used when a child ceases to be civil. There are times when the
correct action is to control them to safeguard the group. Basically, they need
to be separated from the group until they can use good communication with
other children and adults.
If you are persistent, and not out of control yourself, the child will learn! If you
are out of control, dramatizing anger etc, the child will not learn but will cave
in, become less, weaker.
Related article: Limitations.
Learning to control himself as a child, can help avoid out of control mistakes
as an adult!
It is not a matter of discipline or punishment. It is a matter of education and
Locking a child in a closet is an insane act and may create damage to the
child's sanity. Don't do it!
Locking adults in cages is an insane act and only damages the individual's
health and sanity. It doesn't help them nor reduce crime at all.
Modern public “schools” are far too similar to prisons. I recommend home
schooling not suppressed inmates!
Why Children do Not Cooperate.
To over simplify this, it is because you, the responsible adult, have and are
mishandling your child!
A. You failed to ensure the child was properly fed and rested. Junk food
doesn't qualify so eating at the coffee shop does not yield a properly fed
child. A starving or exhausted child can not control himself very easily.
Of course, this applies to adults!
B. You failed to communicate in a manner so that the child could
understand what is needed and wanted. Same exact problem with
C. You have already messed up the child so he is nearly ruined. This
simply provides subjects for the #psychs and #CPS to drug and put in
foster homes. (You can repair any damage you did!)
Related article How to Get Cooperation.
When to Give a Time Out?
No matter what is going on, if the child goes into tantrum mode, a time out is
It is also wise to feed them and, if possible, get them some sleep. This works
well on adults too!
Often a starving or exhausted child will refuse to eat. Give them a “time out”
in bed. They may sleep for hours.
Life is much simpler, better, when everyone is well fed and rested!
Related article How to Correct.
How Long of a Time Out to Give?
I have observed parents who were angry give long time outs. This was the
parents inability to take responsibility for the situation and thus blame the
Truthfully, children should have the power to give upset or misbehaving
adults time outs!
For either the children or adults, a time out should be only as long as it take
for the person to get into control and stop dramatizing their upsets.
A test you could make is next time you get upset with your child, give yourself
and your child a time out. The kid will like that!
When my son was growing up, we had the fortunate situation of living in the
high desert far away from all neighbors. He was around five years old.
When he or his older sisters became unsocial, I would take them out to the
rocks. These were huge boulders in the center of our circular drive way.
My son was the most frequent visitor to the rocks.
I always told him he could come in as soon as he was all better.
Sometimes, he'd try to come back before he was all better. His upset was
hardly even masked.
I'd sent him or most often have to take him back out to the rocks. Sometimes,
he'd scream loudly which didn't create any results. But he always got better
and was able to rejoin the family. How long he was out there was totally up to
In town, I'd simply use any chair or other convenient spot and have him or her,
I have four daughters, have a seat until all better.
My son became more in control of himself and his body as he grew.
Sometimes when he got up set, he'd just go out to the rocks and come back
when he was all better.
It finally got to the point, notice this, that one day, he told me, “I'm going out to
He turned to walk away and turned back and said “I don't need to!” He was
all better just that fast.
A second example was in handling my 12 year old grandson. He very often
dramatized in an attempt to dominate the other grandchildren. He seemed to
love to become suddenly angry and yell at everyone and anyone.
One day, the family was gathered at my daughter's home. The children were
playing but upsets kept erupting. Enough was enough, so I bypassed the
fathers and mothers to handle the children.
I told all the children the next child to use poor communication (angry
communication, yelling, etc), that I was giving him or her a time out. I let them
know that it didn't matter who started the upset.
My grandson wasted no time in testing this out. He angrily yelled at a younger
I told him he had a time out. He attempted to argue (dominate me), so I gave
him a second time out. He became more upset it that was possible and
started shouting at me again and I asked him if he wanted a third time out?
He said “No, but when I'm done can I tell you what happened?” I told him
Well, he did his first time out and there was of course no need for a second
time out. He was all better.
What caused the upset? Who cares? He'd forgotten all about the imagined
wrong he thought he had suffered.
He didn't have another incident the entire day.
Grandpa, the Poet, was there on the job and all I needed to act was a raised
voice :-) All the children knew this and played in harmony.
Sending my children out to the rocks or having them sit in a chair was never
It was an opportunity for the child to gain the upper hand on their “case” and
bodies. “Case” is the accumulated upsets, pain, etc that people dramatize
which generally makes other people miserable and wrong.
Many of mothers have had to pick up a screaming child and take them
outside. Adults find it helps when they are upset to go for a walk or get some
It is the same principle. Sometimes a little calm space without other people to
interact against helps people of all ages.
Related article Crowded Spaces.
Do you have suggestions for a “How To” article? Let me know :-)
Listen and Guide, Someone to.
©2006-2014 Carl Watts www.carlwattsartist.com 050414 edited 060614 113014