Burden of Upset Belongs to Who? 02/13/2014
If there is an upset, who does it effect? Who is the upset a problem for?
Upsets between children and or adults can make a lot of people unhappy.
(Upset children is another article as there is much to be said in that area!)
Potentially, it is a problem for anyone who can perceive it!
Related article Fear or Other People's Emotion.
I want to narrow it down more to adults and the social network environment.
Though this data applies everywhere.
Someone Harms Me?
Should I become upset? It is likely I might though lets take a look at that!
For example someone lightly hits my car and drives off without a note. Should
I be upset?
I could but what purpose would that serve? It would make me unpleasant to
Being “upset”, I would not think as clearly as normal and could make
WOW! It seems someone's harmful act should not become my problem. I
should not REACT to their harmful action.
However if I've done similar things, my upset is likely to be much bigger. This
would be a reaction based on my failure earlier to be responsible for my
I do care but reactions are non-survival actions!
The Person Who Harmed Me!
If they do not take steps to handle the damage, they know they have done
wrong. They will feel miserable about it.
Will it go away? Let say it was ten years ago, nope, I can remember things I
did 10, even 50 years ago. So my good or bad actions didn't vanish.
When someone harms me, it is their problem!
Of course, I'd like them to make it right so that I don't have the burden of fixing
their damage. But if I do, so what, I'll survive!
If Someone Harms Me and Handles the Damage?
Have you ever been bumped by someone accidentally? If they apologize, that
usually handles you, correct?
Things happen that sometimes do damage. The trick on being a decent
person is to take responsibility and repair the damage. Pretty simple.
When this is done, no one has stuck attention on the “crime.”
If someone bumps you and says nothing, you could react and be stuck with
an upset. At the same time, know they are stuck with their neglect.
Something that Upsets Others
I do speak my mind.
I have views that could offend others. You need to understand, I carefully do
not attack others for what I think is utter nonsense. It is not my place to make
them wrong or to correct them unless they seek assistance. I'm always willing
If I do upset someone accidentally, if they are willing to discuss, our realities
should change with communication and the upset will resolve.
This can fail if they are insane on the subject and nothing anyone says is
heard by them.
They just react because they have similar crimes they failed to handle in their
When I find I'm working with someone insane, I generally cut it short.
I'm willing to view new information and viewpoints on existence.
There are a tremendous number of great people to talk with who don't go
Upsets with my Views are Not My Upsets.
I'm willing to help someone upset with me or my views. Failing to find sanity, I
let it go. Their upset is not my problem.
Why People get Upset with You (or Me)
They have done similar harmful things and failed to take responsibility and
handle those. What we did reminds them of this. They get very
uncomfortable and can get very upset.
Looking at them from a distance, what was done and their reaction simply do
not make sense until you add in the above datum.
You don't have to believe this.
Who was the last person that got upset with you?
What did you do, if anything, to cause them to be upset?
Did your action deserve the size and volume of their upset?
Did you try to handle and they would not let it go?
How do you explain that?
Causing your own upset!
You might find that you are the one being unreasonably upset. It's pretty
simple to handle. It is much easier if someone will work with you to help you
discover how you are causing your own upset.
I can help!
From helping others in past to handling upsets in groups, I have observed this
as being true. I have helped hundreds of people to handle their upsets. This
works on upsets between children and adults.
The key was knowing that something is not being seen. There is some hidden
factor that can be found and upsets can always be handled.
Again, if someone gets upset with me, it is not my problem. If someone gets
upset with you, it is not your problem unless you choose to make it your
The burden of the upset lies with the upset person, no one else.
Related article Writing and Emotion.
Do you have suggestions for a “How To” article? Let me know :-)
Listen and Guide, Someone to.
©2006-2014 Carl Watts www.carlwattsartist.com 021314 110114