"Being Single and Loving It"
I read this on a Twitter Profile and felt immediate empathy with the lady. Not
sympathy, but empathy.
Empathy is when you understand the feelings of another. Sympathy is to
experience the feelings of someone else which means they pull you down to
their low emotional tone. People in grief often get sympathy and leave you
From my perspective, I can stay high toned, enthusiastic and still understand
the feelings of another.
Having clarified that, I will proceed.
When I lost my wife in 2007, for a short while, I was not looking at the future.
This didn't last very long at all.
We always talked over the ups and downs of our life. Her problems, here and
there, were brought up. I usually had solutions which she rarely paid attention
to, but I did listen.
When I had difficulties, she would listen (usually).
Life was not perfect but it was very survival compared to not having her at my
side helping me confront life.
I missed having someone to talk to.
There was a point where I had some news. Suddenly I realized I didn't have
anyone to tell the news to. That was a bit of a griefy moment. My wife wasn't
there to listen to my exciting news or not so exciting. But she had always been
there to listen to me for 33 years.
She was my anchor in the storms of life and I was hers.
I was not loving being single.
Helping Each Other
I missed serving her coffee in bed every morning and cooking her breakfast
most of the time.
Oh there were many times, she did these things for me.
She did my laundry. Of course I am perfectly capable but for years, when the
children were home, she did all the laundry. When the children left, she
She was always going out and buying plants. Many didn't live unless I planted
them. Though after the kids moved out, she was more active, meaning
successful at getting me to plant the plants.
She worked in a school. Her purpose in life was to care for and help children.
She spent 23 years working for a private school. When the kids moved out,
getting more into plants at home was sort of an extension to creating a future
She Created Future for us.
It is totally awesome to have your spouse helping to create a future with
children, grandchildren, at school and with plants.
I did enjoy her creation of out future.
I enjoyed her covering the walls with pictures of our family. Of course I had to
hang the pictures but it made her happy and that made me happy.
I missed her creating things when I was widowed, single.
Doing Things Together
As a husband and wife, we very much enjoyed doing things together. I really
didn't like going out and doing too many things without her. I almost never
when out with "the boys."
Though there were times my son and I would stop and have a couple beers
and admire the ladies in the bar. We knew them by name. We shot pool there
often with his wife and children there. Very often my wife was there with me.
I missed her being next to me at night. I missed taking her coffee in the
With my wife, we had created a fantastic life together for many years.
When she passed away, I was not loving being single!
I've written about this in several articles so wont go into it a lot.
Just one point, we were going to visit her family and mine immediately after
we go married. Mary wanted to fly from Los Angeles to Kentucky and North
I said no!
While I wanted to meet and visit our families, driving across the country gave
me a lot of time alone with my wife! That was important. Visiting my extended
family was very secondary in my universe.
I had a new wife and I wanted time with her. So we drove and when we got
tired, we found a motel and slept until we got up.
It was an awesome trip.
I could have done it alone but that would not have been fun.
When my wife works late, I miss her. I don't like being single even for an
At home, we may not speak as we both get busy on the computers but we can
speak. Often I'll come up behind her very quiet and snuggle with her. She
usually winds up giggling!
I love my cat, Jack but he is not a substitute for my wife!
Being alone as some benefits: You don't have to get your spouse's
agreement, only half the food to cook, you can go out with anyone you want
(assuming anyone will go out with you).
I guess the only real benefit of being single is having free time to look for
someone to marry! Yes that is it. Once you're married you will not have the
time nor need for that activity.
So that my opinion for “Being Single and Loving It” :-)
Why There are Divorces, How to Prevent
The Key to a Successful Marriage
The Root of a Successful Marriage
Hope for a Spouse
Men and Women
Husband and Wife
How to Successfully Find a Spouse.
Should you be curious, I have listed various other point that you may find of
interest. They may or may not be directly related to this or other articles
beyond survival of humanity and the rights of men and women.
©2011 by Carl Watts/CarlWattsArtist.com 11/5/11, edited 090812